Bar & Bat Mitzvah at Benei Avraham
Training for boys and girls from a Messianic Jewish perspective: free self-study lessons, private guidance and Torah portion coaching on Zoom when you need it, and a ceremony at our congregation.
Study at your own pace, from anywhere. Your Rabbi or Morah answers questions and coaches students one on one on Zoom. The first meeting is free.
What does Bar or Bat Mitzvah mean?
Quick answer: Bar mitzvah means “son of the commandment,” and bat mitzvah means “daughter of the commandment.” B’nei mitzvah is the plural: “children of the commandment.” A boy becomes bar mitzvah at 13 and a girl becomes bat mitzvah at 12. From that day on, they are responsible for keeping God’s commandments for themselves.
Bar is the Aramaic word for “son,” bat is the Hebrew word for “daughter,” and a mitzvah is a commandment. The age comes from the Mishnah: “At thirteen, the commandments” (Pirkei Avot 5:21). Jewish tradition counts girls as ready a year earlier, at 12 (Mishnah Niddah 5:6).
A child becomes bar or bat mitzvah on that birthday, with or without a party. The ceremony is the day the community celebrates it. The young person is called up to the Torah, reads from it in Hebrew, and shares what they have learned.
What does Yeshua have to do with it?
Luke 2:41–52 shows us Yeshua at twelve, the age of preparing for B’nei Mitzvah. His family went up to Jerusalem for Pesach, as they did every year. He stayed behind in the Temple, listening to the teachers of Torah and asking them questions, and everyone was amazed at his understanding. Then he went home with his parents and honored them, and he “increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man” (Luke 2:52).
That is the picture we hold up for our students: young people who love God’s Torah, ask good questions, honor their parents, follow Yeshua as Mashiach, and take their place in the life of Israel.
How does Bar and Bat Mitzvah training work?
Quick answer: Students study on their own with free lesson pages. When they want help, they book private guidance or Torah portion coaching with your Rabbi or Morah on Zoom.
- Part 1 · Free
Self-study lessons
Work through the lessons at your own pace. Each lesson page has study notes, quizzes and reflection questions.
- 36 lessons, each tied to the Torah portion that fits its topic best
- At one lesson a week, they take about nine months; you can go faster or slower
- Everything is online: no books to buy and no sign-up needed
- Part 2 · Paid
Guidance
Private sessions on Zoom with your Rabbi or Morah. Bring your questions, go over a lesson, or get help with your d’rash, your mitzvah project and your ceremony plans.
- Book an hour whenever you need one
- Hours can be bought one at a time or in a package
- Part 3 · Paid
Torah portion coaching
Private sessions on Zoom. Each student learns to chant their own Hebrew Torah portion with its trope (the chanting marks) and the blessings said before and after it.
- Trope is learned by hearing and repeating, so this part needs a teacher
- Most students need 10 to 15 hours
- The coach goes at your child’s pace, from first reading to the ceremony
Belong to another congregation? If your own rabbi or teacher is preparing your child, you may not need guidance or coaching from us at all. The self-study lessons are free for anyone to use.
What will my child learn?
Quick answer: 36 lessons cover seventeen topics, from reading Hebrew to rehearsing the ceremony, plus time for your own questions, practice and planning. Each topic is taught from the Torah portion that fits it best, so students learn it from the Torah itself, and each lesson has its own page with study notes, quizzes and reflection questions.
- Topic 1
Hebrew reading
The alef-bet and the vowels, then reading practice until your child reads Hebrew smoothly.
Torah portions: Lech Lecha · Noach
- Topic 2
The siddur
The Shema, the Amidah and the three daily prayers, and the everyday blessings.
Torah portions: Vayetze · Va’etchanan
- Topic 3
Tefillin and tallit
Two studies. First tefillin: what the Torah commands, why we wear them, how to put them on, and tefillin as the seal of God in Revelation. Then the tallit and tzitzit, including tekhelet, the blue thread. Girls are welcome to learn to wrap tefillin too.
- Topic 4
Shabbat
How to keep Shabbat from candle lighting to Havdalah: Kiddush, the Shabbat meals, blessing the children, rest, and what we do and don’t do on the seventh day.
- Topic 5
Kashrut
The kosher laws: which animals the Torah permits (Leviticus 11), not mixing meat and milk, reading kosher symbols, and keeping kosher at home, at school and when eating out.
- Topic 6
The Jewish calendar
How the Hebrew calendar works: months that follow the moon, Rosh Chodesh, leap years, and the biblical feasts and Jewish holidays through the year, from Pesach and Shavuot to Sukkot, Chanukah and Purim.
- Topic 7
The Torah service
How the Torah is taken out, read and returned, and how to say the blessings before and after the reading.
- Topic 8
Haftarah (Optional, recommended)
Reading the passage from the Prophets that goes with your child’s Torah portion, with its blessings.
Torah portion: Shoftim
- Topic 9
Writing and giving a d’rash
How to study your portion, find its message, and write and give a short teaching (a d’rash) about it.
- Topic 10
Jewish history
The story of the Jewish people from Avraham to today: the Exodus, the kings and the exile, the Second Temple and Yeshua’s day, the Maccabees, life in the diaspora, the Holocaust, and the return to the Land of Israel.
- Topic 11
Antisemitism
Where hatred of the Jewish people comes from, from Pharaoh and Haman to the Holocaust and today, including replacement theology in church history, and how to answer it with truth and courage.
Torah portions: Shemot · Ki Teitzei
- Topic 12
Jewish dress and tzniut
Tzniut means modesty. What the Torah and the sages teach about dressing and acting with dignity, and why we wear the kippah, tzitzit and other Jewish dress.
- Topic 13
Jewish names
Your Hebrew name and what it means, how you are called up to the Torah by name (for example, “Yaakov ben Avraham”), and why names matter in the Bible, from Yaakov to Yisrael.
Torah portion: Vayishlach
- Topic 14
Friendship, courtship and marriage
At a teen level: friendship and respect between boys and girls, healthy boundaries, what the Torah teaches about courtship and marriage, and why it matters to marry someone who shares your Jewish faith, with examples like Yitzchak and Rivkah (Isaac and Rebekah).
Torah portions: Chayei Sarah · Vayeshev
- Topic 15
Living as B’nei Mitzvah
Keeping the mitzvot every day as a young adult, guarding your tongue, Yeshua as Mashiach, and our Statement of Faith.
Torah portions: Toldot · Beha’alotcha · Vayechi
- Topic 16
Choosing a mitzvah project
Planning an act of service or tzedakah (giving to those in need) that puts your child’s faith into action.
- Topic 17
Your questions, practice and planning
Time set aside through the year for topics you bring up, practicing your d’rash and B’nei Mitzvah presentation, and help with planning the ceremony and the mitzvah project. Bring these to a guidance session.
Torah portion: the week’s portion, or your own
Through the year - Topic 18
Ceremony rehearsal
Practicing the whole ceremony with the family, including the parents’ blessing over their child.
Torah portions: Naso · V’Zot HaBerachah
Can girls read from the Torah?
Quick answer: Yes. The Talmud says a woman may be one of the seven people called up to read the Torah. The sages held back only because of “the honor of the congregation,” a concern about how things looked, not a law of the Torah. At Benei Avraham, girls read their own Torah portion at their bat mitzvah.
What does the Talmud say?
“All are counted among the seven [called up to the Torah], even a minor and even a woman. But the sages said a woman should not read from the Torah because of the honor of the congregation.”
Notice two things. First, the law itself counts a woman among the seven readers, and even a child who is not yet bar mitzvah. The same teaching is in the Tosefta (Megillah 3:11). Second, the only reason given for holding back is kevod ha-tzibbur, “the honor of the congregation.” That is a concern about how things look, not a commandment of the Torah. Many explain it as a worry that the men would be embarrassed, as if none of them knew how to read. Some rabbis today, such as Rabbi Daniel Sperber of Bar-Ilan University, teach that a congregation may set this concern aside.
The Talmud also honors women who knew Torah well. Bruriah, the wife of Rabbi Meir, is said to have learned three hundred laws from three hundred teachers in one day (Pesachim 62b).
What does the Tanakh show?
- Women heard the Torah read in public. “Gather the people together, men, and women, and children… that they may hear, and that they may learn” (Deuteronomy 31:12). Ezra read the Torah “before the congregation both of men and women, and all that could hear with understanding” (Nehemiah 8:2).
- Women taught Hashem’s word. Miriam led Israel in song at the sea (Exodus 15:20–21), Devorah judged Israel (Judges 4:4), and when a Torah scroll was found in the Temple, the king’s officials went to the prophetess Chuldah (Huldah) to explain it (2 Kings 22:14–20).
- Daughters too. “Your sons and your daughters shall prophesy” (Joel 3:1; 2:28 in English). Yeshua taught women who sat at his feet to learn, like Miriam (Mary) of Bethany (Luke 10:39).
Why does it make sense?
- The Torah was given to all Israel, men and women, and the Talmud already counts a woman among those called up. So reading from the Torah is not forbidden by the Torah.
- The only reason given for holding back, the honor of the congregation, does not fit a bat mitzvah. When a girl reads the portion she has worked on all year, the congregation is honored, not embarrassed.
- At bat mitzvah a girl becomes responsible for the mitzvot herself. She has to know them to keep them, and the Torah is where they are written. Reading it before the community shows she is ready.
How much does Bar or Bat Mitzvah training cost?
Quick answer: The self-study lessons are free. Private guidance and Torah portion coaching on Zoom are $54 an hour, or less with a package: $288 for 6 hours or $540 for 12 hours. There is no ceremony fee at our congregation, in person or on Zoom, during Shabbat.
| What it covers | Fee |
|---|---|
| Self-study: all 36 lesson pages, with study notes and quizzes | Free |
| One private hour on Zoom: guidance or Torah portion coaching | $54 |
| Package of 6 hours ($48 an hour) | $288 |
| Package of 12 hours ($45 an hour) | $540 |
| The ceremony at our congregation, in person or on Zoom, during Shabbat, for students we have guided or coached | No fee |
Members’ discount and payment plans are available. Package hours can be used for guidance, coaching or both. No family is turned away because they can’t pay. Just ask us.
Why are the fees multiples of 18?
In Hebrew, every letter is also a number. The two letters of chai (חַי), the word for “life,” add up to 18: ח (chet) is 8 and י (yod) is 10. Many Jewish families give gifts in multiples of 18 as a way of saying “to life!” Our fees follow the same custom.
Where can the ceremony take place?
Quick answer: At Benei Avraham, in person during our Shabbat service or on Zoom. The ceremony is for students who have been guided or coached by us, and there is no fee during Shabbat.
- Option 1
At our congregation on Shabbat
Your child is called up to the Torah during our Shabbat morning service, and the whole community celebrates with you. There is no charge.
- Option 2
On Zoom
Ideal for families who live far away. Family and friends can join from anywhere. There is no charge during Shabbat.
Who can have the ceremony with us? Students who have done guidance or Torah portion coaching with us. Families from another congregation can use the free lessons and hold the ceremony at their own congregation.
How do we get started?
Quick answer: Text (469) 608-9944. We’ll set up a free first meeting to hear your child read Hebrew and choose a ceremony date and Torah portion together.
- 1
Text us
Send a text to (469) 608-9944 with your child’s name and age.
- 2
Free first meeting
We meet on Zoom, check your child’s Hebrew reading level and choose a ceremony date and Torah portion together. There’s no charge and no commitment.
- 3
Start the lessons
Your child begins the free self-study lessons and, if you choose, guidance and Torah portion coaching on Zoom, at a pace that fits the ceremony date.
Questions from parents
What age is Bar or Bat Mitzvah?
Boys become bar mitzvah at 13 and girls become bat mitzvah at 12. Most children start training about a year before. At the free first meeting we help you choose a ceremony date close to your child’s birthday.
Is there a fee for the ceremony?
No. A ceremony at our congregation, in person or on Zoom, during Shabbat has no fee. It is for students who have been guided or coached by us.
Do we need to be members of Benei Avraham?
No. Anyone can use the free self-study lessons, and any family can book guidance or coaching. Members receive a discount on guidance and coaching.
Can my child join from out of state?
Yes. The lessons are online, and guidance and Torah portion coaching are on Zoom. The ceremony can be held on Zoom too.
Do we have to book guidance or coaching?
No. The self-study lessons are free, and you can use them on your own. Book guidance when you have questions or want help. Most students need coaching to learn to chant their Torah portion with its trope. If your family belongs to another congregation that is preparing your child, you may not need guidance or coaching from us at all.
Can my child start any time?
Yes. The lessons are self-study, so your child can start any time and go at their own pace.
Can adults, baalei teshuvah or potential converts use the lessons?
Yes. The lessons are also for adults preparing for a bar or bat mitzvah ceremony, for baalei teshuvah (those returning to Torah Judaism), and for potential converts (see conversion). Adults use the same lessons and can book guidance and Torah portion coaching. Text us and we’ll plan the training and the ceremony together.
Can girls read from the Torah?
Yes. The Talmud counts a woman among the seven people called up to read the Torah (Megillah 23a). The sages held back only because of “the honor of the congregation,” a concern we believe does not apply when the congregation is honored by a girl reading at her bat mitzvah. See the full answer above.
How long does training take?
The 36 lessons take about nine months at one lesson a week, but you set the pace. Most students also need 10 to 15 hours of Torah portion coaching. Most families begin about a year before the ceremony date.
What do we need to buy?
Boys and men need a kippah, a tallit and a pair of tefillin. Girls and women need a head covering, such as a scarf or hat, for the Amidah, for reading the Torah from the bimah and for leading prayer. The tallit’s tzitzit should include tekhelet, the blue thread the Torah commands (Numbers 15:38); tallitot and strings with tekhelet are available from Ptil Tekhelet. Tefillin must be handwritten by a trained scribe (sofer) to be kosher, so please talk with us before you buy. If your family doesn’t have a Shabbat candle set, you’ll need one too. There are no books to buy: all the lessons are online.
Ready to begin?
Text (469) 608-9944 to get started. Your first meeting is free.