What Happens at a Bar or Bat Mitzvah Ceremony?
Studied with Parashat Naso, which gives the Priestly Blessing (Numbers 6:22–27), and V’Zot HaBerachah, where Moshe blesses Israel and calls the Torah our inheritance (Deuteronomy 33). Six short parts, each ending with a quick quiz and questions for reflection, then an FAQ and review questions. Part of our free B’nei Mitzvah self-study lessons.
Quick answer: At Benei Avraham, the ceremony takes place during the Shabbat morning service, in person or on Zoom. The student is called up to the Torah by Hebrew name, says the Torah blessings, reads or chants the portion, and gives a d’rash. The parents say Baruch shepatarani and bless their child with the Priestly Blessing from Numbers 6:24–26.
Studying on your own?
Read each part, take the quizzes, and answer the reflection questions and the review questions at the end. Have a question? Book a private guidance session with your Rabbi or Morah on Zoom by texting (469) 608-9944. See the fees.
What is the ceremony for?
A child becomes bar mitzvah at 13 and bat mitzvah at 12, with or without a ceremony. The ceremony is the day the community celebrates it. The student is called up to the Torah, reads from it in Hebrew, and shares what they have learned. The ceremony at Benei Avraham, in person or on Zoom, is for students we have guided or coached.
Who is this study for?
This study is for students getting close to their ceremony and for their parents, who have their own part to play. Read it together. Each part ends with a quick quiz and questions for personal reflection or to talk over with your family. The last part is a rehearsal checklist.
| Part | Question | Main texts |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | What happens at the ceremony? | Shabbat morning service |
| 2 | What happens at your aliyah? | The Torah blessings |
| 3 | Why do parents say Baruch shepatarani? | Genesis 25:27; Bereishit Rabbah 63:10 |
| 4 | What is the Priestly Blessing? | Numbers 6:22–27; Genesis 48:20 |
| 5 | What does V’Zot HaBerachah teach? | Deuteronomy 33:1–4; Sukkah 42a |
| 6 | How do you rehearse? | Rehearsal checklist |
What happens at a Bar or Bat Mitzvah ceremony?
Quick answer: During the Shabbat morning service, the student is called up to the Torah, says the blessings, reads or chants the portion, gives a d’rash, and is blessed by the parents. Then everyone celebrates.
At Benei Avraham, a Bar or Bat Mitzvah ceremony takes place during our Shabbat morning service, in person or on Zoom, for students we have guided or coached. The whole community celebrates with you. Here is a typical order. Your Rabbi or Morah will go over the exact order with your family ahead of time.
| Step | What happens | Who |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Morning prayers with the congregation | Everyone; the student may lead a part |
| 2 | The Torah is taken out of the ark and carried around the room | Congregation |
| 3 | The student is called up to the Torah by Hebrew name | Student |
| 4 | The blessing before the reading, then the Torah portion, then the blessing after | Student |
| 5 | The parents say Baruch shepatarani | Parents |
| 6 | The haftarah from the Prophets, with its blessings (optional, recommended) | Student |
| 7 | The student’s d’rash, a short teaching on the portion, and a few words about the mitzvah project | Student |
| 8 | The parents bless their child with the Priestly Blessing and their own words | Parents |
| 9 | The Torah is returned to the ark; the service ends | Congregation |
| 10 | Kiddush and a celebration meal | Everyone |
A day of joy, not a show. The ceremony is the day the community celebrates something that has already happened: on that birthday, the student became responsible for the mitzvot. The ceremony is a public “yes” to God in front of family and friends.
On Zoom. Family and friends who live far away can join on Zoom. If the student will take part on Zoom, your Rabbi or Morah will go over how it works with your family well ahead of time.
Quick quiz: Part 1
Pick the best answer for each question. You will see right away if you got it right, and your score when you have answered them all. To try again, press Start over.
Your answers and score are saved on this device only, so they will be here when you come back. Press Start over to clear them.
Reflection
- Look at the order of the ceremony. Which part are you most excited about? Which part makes you nervous?
- Why do you think the ceremony happens in front of the whole community and not just at home?
What happens when you are called up to the Torah?
Quick answer: You are called up by your Hebrew name, touch the place with your tallit or siddur, say the blessing, read or chant your portion, and say the blessing after it.
Being called up to the Torah is called an aliyah, which means “going up.” For many people it is the most special moment of the day.
Your Hebrew name. You are called up by your Hebrew name and your father’s name, for example “Ya’amod Yaakov ben Avraham” for a boy (“Let Yaakov son of Avraham stand”) or “Ta’amod Rivkah bat Avraham” for a girl. Many families also include the mother’s name. Learn more in our Jewish names lesson.
- Walk up to the Torah. Many people take the shortest path up and a longer path back, to show they are eager to come and sorry to leave.
- The reader shows you where the reading begins. Touch the place with the corner of your tallit or the siddur, then kiss the tallit or siddur. Never touch the parchment with your fingers.
- Say the blessing before the reading (below). Hold the handles of the scroll while you say it.
- Read or chant your portion using the yad, the pointer. If you make a mistake, the reader will quietly help you. Just repeat the word and keep going.
- Say the blessing after the reading.
- Stay next to the Torah until the next person finishes, then return to your seat. People will say Yasher koach, “More strength to you!” and Mazal tov!
| When | Hebrew (transliterated) | English |
|---|---|---|
| You say | Barchu et Hashem ha-mevorach. | Bless Hashem, the Blessed One. |
| The congregation answers, then you repeat | Baruch Hashem ha-mevorach l’olam va’ed. | Blessed is Hashem, the Blessed One, forever and ever. |
| Before the reading | Baruch atah Hashem, Eloheinu melech ha-olam, asher bachar banu mikol ha-amim, v’natan lanu et Torato. Baruch atah Hashem, noten ha-Torah. | Blessed are You, Hashem our God, King of the universe, who chose us from all the peoples and gave us His Torah. Blessed are You, Hashem, who gives the Torah. |
| After the reading | Baruch atah Hashem, Eloheinu melech ha-olam, asher natan lanu Torat emet, v’chayei olam nata b’tocheinu. Baruch atah Hashem, noten ha-Torah. | Blessed are You, Hashem our God, King of the universe, who gave us a Torah of truth and planted eternal life within us. Blessed are You, Hashem, who gives the Torah. |
We write “Hashem” here in place of the Divine Name. When you say the blessing at the Torah, say the Name as it is written in the siddur.
Quick quiz: Part 2
Pick the best answer for each question. You will see right away if you got it right, and your score when you have answered them all. To try again, press Start over.
Your answers and score are saved on this device only, so they will be here when you come back. Press Start over to clear them.
Reflection
- The blessing after the reading says God “planted eternal life within us.” What do you think that means?
- Practice saying your Hebrew name and your father’s name out loud. What does your name mean?
Why do parents say Baruch shepatarani?
Quick answer: It marks the moment the child becomes responsible to God for their own mitzvot. The Midrash learns it from Parashat Toldot.
Right after the student’s aliyah, many parents say a short blessing: Baruch shepatarani me-onsho shel zeh. It means, “Blessed is the One who has freed me from the responsibility for this one.”
Where it comes from. In Parashat Toldot, the Torah says, “And the boys grew” (Genesis 25:27), and then Yaakov and Esav went very different ways. The Midrash teaches from this verse that a father must care for his son until he is thirteen, and after that he says, “Blessed is the One who has freed me from the punishment of this one” (Bereishit Rabbah 63:10). The blessing is said without God’s Name (Rema, Shulchan Arukh, Orach Chayim 225:2).
What it really means. It may sound funny, as if parents are glad to be done! It actually marks a real change. Until now, the parents answered for their child’s mitzvot. From today, the child answers to God for themselves. It is a moment of letting go and of trust.
Today. Traditionally the father says it. Many families today have both parents say it, and many add their own words of love and blessing afterward.
Quick quiz: Part 3
Pick the best answer for each question. You will see right away if you got it right, and your score when you have answered them all. To try again, press Start over.
Your answers and score are saved on this device only, so they will be here when you come back. Press Start over to clear them.
Reflection
- Why do you think letting go is hard for parents and important for children?
- Parents: what words of blessing would you like to add for your child?
What is the Priestly Blessing, and why do parents use it?
Quick answer: It is the blessing God gave Aharon to say over Israel in Parashat Naso: “Hashem bless thee, and keep thee…” Parents use it to bless their children every Friday night and at the ceremony.
In Parashat Naso, God gives Aharon and his sons a blessing to say over Israel. It is called Birkat Kohanim, the Priestly Blessing:
“Hashem bless thee, and keep thee: Hashem make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: Hashem lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.”
The next verse explains what the blessing does: “And they shall put my name upon the children of Israel; and I will bless them” (Numbers 6:27). The kohanim say the words, but it is God who blesses.
Three lines that grow. In Hebrew the first line has three words, the second five and the third seven. The blessing grows as it goes: protection, then grace, then peace.
Parents bless their children. Every Friday night, many Jewish parents place their hands on their children’s heads and say this blessing. Before it they say, for a son, “God make thee as Ephraim and as Manasseh” (Genesis 48:20), and for a daughter, “May God make you like Sarah, Rivkah, Rachel and Leah.” At the ceremony, parents bless their child the same way, then add their own words.
Quick quiz: Part 4
Pick the best answer for each question. You will see right away if you got it right, and your score when you have answered them all. To try again, press Start over.
Your answers and score are saved on this device only, so they will be here when you come back. Press Start over to clear them.
Reflection
- Which line of the Priestly Blessing means the most to you? Why?
- If your family doesn’t bless the children on Friday night yet, would you like to start? Practice it before your ceremony.
What does V’Zot HaBerachah teach about endings and beginnings?
Quick answer: It is the last portion of the Torah, and on Simchat Torah we go straight back to the beginning. Your Bar or Bat Mitzvah is a beginning, not a graduation.
V’Zot HaBerachah is the last portion of the Torah. It begins, “And this is the blessing, wherewith Moses the man of God blessed the children of Israel before his death” (Deuteronomy 33:1).
The first verse a child learns. In the same chapter is the verse, “Moses commanded us a law, even the inheritance of the congregation of Jacob” (Deuteronomy 33:4). In Hebrew it begins Torah tzivah lanu Moshe. The Talmud says that as soon as a child can talk, a father teaches him this verse and the Shema (Sukkah 42a). Many Jewish children learn it before they can read. At your Bar or Bat Mitzvah, you stand before the community and read that inheritance yourself.
The end is a beginning. On Simchat Torah, we read the end of the Torah, V’Zot HaBerachah, and then roll right back to the beginning, Bereishit. We never finish. In the same way, your Bar or Bat Mitzvah is not a graduation. It is the start of keeping the Torah as your own for the rest of your life.
Quick quiz: Part 5
Pick the best answer for each question. You will see right away if you got it right, and your score when you have answered them all. To try again, press Start over.
Your answers and score are saved on this device only, so they will be here when you come back. Press Start over to clear them.
Reflection
- The Torah is called “the inheritance of the congregation of Jacob.” What does it mean to inherit the Torah?
- What is one thing you want to keep learning after your Bar or Bat Mitzvah?
How do you rehearse for the ceremony?
Quick answer: Start months ahead: learn your names, practice chanting every day, memorize the blessings, write your d’rash, and do full run-throughs out loud.
Rehearsing takes the fear out of the big day. Use this checklist with your family. Your Rabbi or Morah can go over any part with you in a guidance or coaching session.
| When | What to do |
|---|---|
| Several months before | Know your Hebrew name and your parents’ Hebrew names. Know your Torah portion and, if you are reading it, your haftarah. Start your mitzvah project. |
| Two to three months before | Practice chanting your portion with its trope every day, even for ten minutes. Memorize the Torah blessings. Write the first draft of your d’rash. |
| One month before | Practice the whole ceremony from start to finish, out loud, standing up. Read your d’rash to your family and time it. Parents: practice Baruch shepatarani and the Priestly Blessing. |
| The week before | Do a full rehearsal with your Rabbi or Morah. Check your clothes (modest and comfortable), your kippah or head covering, your tallit, your copy of the d’rash, and the plan for guests and kiddush food (kosher). If anyone will join on Zoom, make sure they have what they need well before Shabbat. |
| The day itself | Get a good night’s sleep. Eat breakfast. Arrive early. Breathe, smile, and remember: everyone in the room is on your side. |
Tips for reading in front of people.
- Go slowly. Nervous readers speed up. Read slower than feels natural.
- Speak up. Aim your voice at the back row.
- Mistakes are fine. The reader will help you. Repeat the word and keep going. “For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again” (Proverbs 24:16).
- Remember why. You are not performing. You are reading God’s words to His people, like Moshe did.
Candy! In many congregations, when the student finishes, people toss soft candies to wish them a sweet life. If that is your congregation’s custom, practice ducking!
Quick quiz: Part 6
Pick the best answer for each question. You will see right away if you got it right, and your score when you have answered them all. To try again, press Start over.
Your answers and score are saved on this device only, so they will be here when you come back. Press Start over to clear them.
Reflection
- What part of the ceremony do you need to practice most?
- Who will you practice in front of first?
- Write one sentence you want to remember when you stand up to read.
Frequently asked questions
Where can the ceremony take place?
At Benei Avraham, during the Shabbat morning service, in person or on Zoom. The ceremony with us is for students we have guided or coached. Families from another congregation can hold the ceremony at their own congregation.
What are the blessings said before and after reading the Torah?
Before: “Blessed are You, Hashem our God, King of the universe, who chose us from all the peoples and gave us His Torah. Blessed are You, Hashem, who gives the Torah.” After: “…who gave us a Torah of truth and planted eternal life within us. Blessed are You, Hashem, who gives the Torah.”
What is Baruch shepatarani?
A short blessing parents say after their child’s aliyah: “Blessed is the One who has freed me from the responsibility for this one.” It comes from Bereishit Rabbah 63:10 and marks that the child is now responsible for their own mitzvot.
Do girls read from the Torah at their bat mitzvah?
Yes. At Benei Avraham, girls read their own Torah portion at their bat mitzvah. See Can girls read from the Torah?
What do we wear on our heads?
A kippah is required for a bar mitzvah during the service. For a bat mitzvah, the girl wears some kind of head covering during the Amidah, when she reads the Torah from the bimah, and when she leads prayer. Guests are encouraged to do the same while attending the service.
What if I make a mistake while reading?
That’s normal. The reader standing next to you will quietly help. Repeat the word and keep going.
Do boys wear tefillin at the ceremony?
No. The ceremony is on Shabbat, and tefillin are not worn on Shabbat. Boys wear their tallit. Practice putting on tefillin on weekdays before the big day; see our tefillin lesson.
Review questions
After working through this study, you should be able to walk through your whole ceremony, step by step, without notes. These questions will help.
- List the main steps of the ceremony in order.
- Say the Torah blessings before and after the reading from memory.
- What does Baruch shepatarani mean, and where does it come from?
- Recite the Priestly Blessing (Numbers 6:24–26) and explain what verse 27 adds.
- Why is a Bar or Bat Mitzvah a beginning and not a graduation?
When you know every step, the ceremony stops being scary and becomes what it is meant to be: a joyful “yes” to God in front of the people you love.
Sources
- Torah texts: Genesis 25:27, 48:20; Numbers 6:22–27; Deuteronomy 33:1–4 (look up on Sefaria)
- Writings: Proverbs 24:16
- Classical texts (look up on Sefaria): Bereishit Rabbah 63:10; Talmud Sukkah 42a; Shulchan Arukh, Orach Chayim 225:2 with the Rema; Pirkei Avot 5:21
- The Torah blessings: any standard siddur
- Wikipedia, “Baruch Sheptarani”: Baruch Sheptarani; “Priestly Blessing”: Priestly Blessing
Scripture quotations follow the King James Version, with Hashem for the Divine Name (LORD), Hebrew names such as Shaul (Paul), and Yeshua for Jesus. Rabbinic sources are given in short translation or paraphrase. Part of the Bar & Bat Mitzvah training at Benei Avraham; see our Statement of Faith.